


Precarious Times

by LuminousGloom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Memories, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, R/S Small Gifts 2019, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminousGloom/pseuds/LuminousGloom
Summary: Prompt: "The moment when Remus first realises Sirius is into him."Written for R/S Small Gifts 2019.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 171





	Precarious Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shessocold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shessocold/gifts).



> Thank you Nacho for the excellent & very speedy beta job!

On a freezing December night the Order assembles for a festive dinner at Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Keeping up the general morale is the idea, apparently, though it feels like a strangely formal occasion. Remus feels wildly underdressed as he takes his seat at the grand dining room table creaking with opulent dishes. Albus, resplendent in his dress robes, kicks things off with a rousing toast. Arabella’s blouse is positively glittering with brooches, Kingsley looks striking in midnight blue, even Tonks seems to have made an effort in an ensemble approximating a relaxed Muggle suit. Across the table, Sirius is looking better. Not quite as pale, nor as emaciated as last time.

They tuck in, and the food is excellent. Listening to Mundungus and Molly, Remus sips from his delicate goblet, enjoying the deep flavour of the claret. When his eyes stray across the table, he catches Sirius looking at him.

Remus swallows, almost coughs, his goblet frozen in mid air. He remembers that look.

It must’ve been December, too. A few snowflakes whirling, their breath steaming as the four of them ambled towards the greenhouses, laughing and joking. Sirius was liberally casting heating charms, turning to draw one over Remus. Grinning fondly as he did it, and when their eyes met, his gaze lingered.

Remus, suddenly feeling very hot, fanned himself. ‘Merlin, bit much, mate?’

Laughing again, Sirius turned and bounded on.

A few days later, Sirius caught up with Remus on the way to the Quidditch pitch.

‘Did you ask her to Hogsmeade, then?’ he asked casually, watching as Clementine Barnes rejoined her friends.

‘She’s going with Rooke.’ Remus shrugged. ‘But no, I didn’t ask her.’

‘Ah.’ Sirius nodded. They walked on in silence, trudging through the thick snow.

‘How about you? Who are you taking?’ Remus asked the obligatory question, as though he needed to hear any more on the subject. It was all people had been talking about. James in particular had found it impossible to shut up about his own prowess with Lily Evans, and the various candidates Remus ought to consider asking. Peter was excited about his own date. Only Sirius had been very quiet on the matter, but then he probably had any number of options waiting for his response.

‘I dunno.’ Sirius let out a little laugh. ‘If I’m honest, I wouldn’t mind going with you. Unless-’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Remus said lightly. ‘Why not?’ Until recently, the Marauders had always gone together. He doubted he’d persuade anyone else this late in the day.

Sirius was watching him, his expression curiously open, and hopeful.

Taken aback, Remus quickly averted his gaze, swallowing hard. Moments later, James careered into them, and Peter joined them soon after. Everything was back to normal.

Still, Remus’ mind kept reeling for most of the match. Had he just imagined it? Sirius had stared at him like that once before. And another time, late one night, weeks ago. They’d been very drunk on contraband firewhisky. Of course Remus had ignored it then, dismissed it out of hand. It would've made no sense.

This term, they’d happened to spend more time together without the others. A shared Potions project, a shared free period every Tuesday, the odd lunch hour when James and Peter were off romancing their respective love interests. Sirius didn’t seem as hellbent on a girlfriend as they were.

When it was just the two of them, Sirius had been calmer, less pompous, and more considerate. They never did anything special, just larking about, exploring the castle or roaming the grounds. They’d enjoyed the odd clandestine feast in their dormitory, and come up with a few interesting spells. Sometimes Sirius forgot about his swagger, and let his guard down. Ever curious, he asked Remus questions. Once or twice, while out on a walk, they’d vaguely talked about their families, their hopes and plans for life after school.

The rest of the time, Sirius still hit him with occasional itching hexes, and casually stuck slimy seaweed down Remus’ collar in passing. But more recently, he’d also sent him furtive jokes whenever Remus had been feeling ill and miserable. He’d presented him with the tooth mug he’d experimentally - and successfully - transfigured into a steaming cup of hot chocolate. And he enjoyed regaling Remus with hilarious reviews of the raucous adventure novels he’d borrowed.

During that Quidditch match, Remus lined up all those shared moments and examined them closely. He’d just taken them as proof of their friendship - which, though nothing like as demonstrative as James’ and Sirius’ brotherly bond, he’d thought of as solid, warm, and dependable. Surely he couldn’t have misread it all?

Glancing at Sirius now, who was cracking jokes with the others in between spirited cheers for Hufflepuff, the idea seemed absurd. Anyway, he’d watched Sirius charm people many times, his brazen approach easily winning them over. Sirius didn’t do subtle. And this, if it really had been a concerted effort to - what, woo him? - would have been entirely subtle.

The next day, they did go to Hogsmeade together. Remus had given up trying to work out what exactly Sirius might be after. They were mates, that was all. When they met in the Great Hall, Sirius wordlessly passed him a chocolate frog. In no particular rush, they set off later than anyone else, by which time the crowds had dispersed. On Sirius’ insistence, they took the long, scenic route.

‘Look, what I’ve been doing!’ Sirius told him excitedly, before running off in his dog shape, changing back in the trees, and emerging fully dressed.

‘Clothes, see? Glad that worked out, actually,’ he laughed, pulling up the collar of his coat.

‘Yeah.’ Remus remembers thinking that Sirius must’ve been blithely unconcerned about showing himself naked, before wondering if the possibility of seeing Sirius naked had been part of the exercise.

They walked on, talking, joking, throwing snowballs, staying off the beaten track until they got to the village. During their brief obligatory visit to Honeyduke’s, Sirius didn’t stay to chat with other students, but moved on briskly, insisting they try the Hog’s Head for a drink rather than their customary Three Broomsticks.

As they sat down, Sirius beamed at him across the sticky pub table. And now, at last, Remus fully comprehended what was on offer here. It left him dumbfounded. Why Remus? It just seemed so - unlikely.

As he remembers it, he managed not to get too flustered. They chatted amiably, with Remus ignoring several accidental touches. Of course, only a rock would’ve been impervious to Sirius’ bright, mischievous smile, his lively mind and lithe body. Eyes that could fix you in place, and almost overwhelm you with the full force of his undivided attention. The awful truth was that after years pretending to be made of impermeable rock, Remus couldn’t deny that after all he might only be human.

Sitting across from Sirius now, Remus feels much the same. No matter how irresponsible the man can be, how wilful, and stubborn, how much of a right pain in the arse. Sirius is also fearless, and knows what he wants.

‘D’you think the future is going to be very dangerous?’ he remembers Sirius asking on the walk back. The afternoon sun was already low, casting the snow in a purplish light.

‘Probably,’ Remus answered truthfully. ‘Considering everything... The present already feels precarious.’ He was thinking of the most recent news, on top of the draconian laws concerning werewolves, his mother’s ailing health.

‘Yeah,’ Sirius said gravely, stopping in his tracks. ‘Remus, listen.’

Remus remembers bracing himself, his heart pounding in his chest. Still, he was utterly unprepared when Sirius bent to kiss him. A curiously soft, searing kiss in the freezing wind.

‘The present can be as dangerous as you like,’ Sirius said quietly.

‘I’m fairly unafraid,’ he managed to utter, waiting for Sirius to kiss him again. Back then, he’d been too unsure of himself to take the initiative.

Now, across the table, he holds Sirius’ gaze, and he smiles.


End file.
